I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
