So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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