did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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