the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I deserve this hangover.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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