I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
