Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
