i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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