I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
