need another drink. this is the easiest way
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
