Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
