Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
