I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
