i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My ass is underappreciated
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
