Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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