Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
