Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
