I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize