I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
