well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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