I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
