Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
