i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
