You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize