is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
