8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
