Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
