Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
