Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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