Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
