My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
