You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it glows. i had to have it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
