I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My ATM looks so different sober.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
