can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
