let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
