just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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