Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
