So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
