You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
