There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
