You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
