Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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