I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
