i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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