i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
