The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
