I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
