I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
