you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize