mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
