I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
