On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
