a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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