ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize