there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
