did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
