Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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