I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
