That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
