I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize