woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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