with your own penis?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
