No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
