I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
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