Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
