WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Randomize
