Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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