either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
