We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
