i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize