I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
