The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just want nice things and good sex
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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