So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
