Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
