just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
