Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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