Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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