margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
