I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
