Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
