some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
