Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
