So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
