Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
