Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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