I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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