i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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