o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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