I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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