The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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