all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
