I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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