I cockslap morals
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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