I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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