god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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