She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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