Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You need a sexual gate keeper
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
