if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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