I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dignity is for republicans.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
