i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
