Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he told me I talked like a deaf person
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
