Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
