So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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