how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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