i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
