She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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